Aggressive Retsuko 100 AND BEYOOOOOND

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You’re telling me this is the last episode?

It’s over! And what better way to send off the final episode, than being a week and a half late?

Technically it’s not “over”, since the netflix series is like…in ten days or something, but this marks the end of the eternal cycle of whyhaven’tIfinishedsubbingthisthingyetit’sbeenaweekandit’sonlyoneminutelongwhatgives.

…That sort of broke wordpress’s editor. Anyway, the weekly episodes are over forever(probably), and Netflix seems like competent people, so hopefully I won’t have to do anything to their full-length episodes. I’m not going to leave y’all high and dry though. I’ll be putting together a batch of all of the episodes at some point, with hookers, blackjack, animated intros/outros, and maybe even a Horse Stamp of Approval. You know, since horses are always stomping on things. Expect it within the next month or two maybe eventually.

In other news, I’m now out of excuses to not work on other stuff free to work on things unrelated to Retsuko entirely~ Hooray for me. I don’t have a lot of stuff planned, but for now I’m working on translating an old mediocre porn game for Windows, because that’s been my dream for years. I would have started with some obscure, neglected GBA game, but I don’t think any of those exist anymore, and I have no idea how to ‘hack’ those anyway. On the other hand, porn games come in nice easily modifiable formats. Progress should be pretty smooth, since I’ve already started replacing the Japanese text with English, and the internal game coding is really easy to understand(and horribly written).

Aside from that, if anyone reading this would like to see some unloved short anime series get some love, or would like to see a brief manga about cute sea lions or something translated, or has a suggestion for terrible porn games I should drag into the realm of Englishonly speaking porngameplayers, feel free to do so in the comments. I’ll read them, and then tell you your fetishes are bad and you should feel bad. Hopefully being insulted isn’t one of them.

Right, well, thanks to all of you for reading my nonsense posts for the past year and providing spiritual support to our miserable pandafriend. Let’s hope she hits it big. Or, I dunno, gets a raise or something.

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Aggressive Retsuko 99

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This is absolutely not the kind of weather I am experiencing at the moment. Download here.

We got a real song for once, which meant coming up with ways to say fairly complicated things that can be written in just 3-4 words in Japanese. Which meant that I just straight up changed some of them because there’s no good way to sing about something turning brown. Also fuck, I was looking at karaage and now I NEED to cook some. Never look at food on the internet past 10pm. Seriously.

Also, the netflix series is happening in a monthish. Get your excitement pants ready.

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Aggressive Retsuko 97+98

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DEAR GOD NO THESE EPISODES ARE LATE but you can download them here and here.

My power came back the day after 97 aired but it took me forever to decide on lines I liked for that episode, since she said so much in such a short window nearly every time she spoke, so they’re only coming out now. Sorry. 99 should be up tomorrow at the latest.

 

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Aggressive Retsuko 96

GET IT.

Super special horse edition because apparently living in log cabins with incompetent electricity companies is a month-long disaster every time a blizzard or hurricane happen. The best part about all of this is that I did not watch this episode, this screenshot was just the first thing I saw when I clicked randomly once in the file.

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Aggressive Retsuko 95

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Don’t stare at his eyes for too long, or they’ll stare back. Download here.

Few notes to be made about this episode. One: I have never worked at an office, so I have no idea what the standards for answering phone calls are. I just went with whatever google seemed to think was acceptable phone reception etiquette. Two: do people actually call them outside calls? Or is it external? Google had more results for outside, but that might have been skewed by the physical state of being outside while making a call.

Three: this is a big one I guess, but the name of the company Retsuko works at is “chararyman(+some Japanese company identifying words)”, which is a portmanteau of “character” and “salaryman”. ‘Salaryman’ is the name Japan has for their workforce made up of middle-aged men with no future. Sanrio has some ongoing popularity contest between stupid characters they thought up that fit the role of salarymen, so they just combined the two words and pretended it was okay. Except it’s not. Stop doing that, Japan. *takes sip of grapple juice*

Anyway, since I’ve spat in the face of everything else they tried to name(sans Retsuko herself, because that would probably be too confusing to people trying to watch, and nobody would care about Rageina or whatever fucking girl names that start with R), I’m calling it The Working Company instead. Because company has like five meanings, and working has at least two. And most of them are appropriate. But mostly I just don’t like how “chararyman” sounds.

NUMBER FOUR: fuck the sliding Dougsongs. The dude’s great, but subtitles that move that much kill everything. I tried tracking the motion so it wasn’t out of sync, but that blew up my media player(I think this happened last time I tried, too…), so I changed it to the stupid move function, and that still blew it up but only during the last few seconds and it sort of corrected itself in the end. So that’s what you get.

I guess there’s a five but it’s pointless enough to not be numbered. The blinking phone thing followed a weird pattern, alternating between 8 frames on, 5 off, and 7 on, 5 off. It did that three times, then the hand came in and the numbers for both states changed while it was there. Really weird. Second pickup it only repeated twice, with the hand coming in on the second 7, and then again, the off state was extended several frames for no good reason. Unless picking the phone up is supposed to matter, but then why did it still blink again both times? The second phonescreen was also shifted a bit from the first, but then the third time it was back in the original location. AND THEN DURING THE THIRD CALL IT STARTED ON THE SEVEN AND ALTERNATED WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS DESPITE THE HAND COMING IN, EXCEPT THE LAST OFF STATE LASTED AN EXTRA FEW FRAMES BEFORE TRANSITIONING TO THE SHOT OF HIS FACE. WHAT KINDS OF INCONSIDERATE NEANDERTHALS DO THEY EMPLOY DOWN THERE AT SANRIO FOR THEM TO ALLOW THESE INCONSISTENCIES?!!?!?!???

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Aggressive Retsuko 94

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Never listen to your friends. Especially your vegan friends. Download here.

…I can’t think of anything to write about. Bye.

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Aggressive Retsuko 93

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H-h-here you go Senpai, I g-g-got this for you! *blushes deeply and runs down the hall screaming*

Hah, you didn’t think I would be on time for THIS holiday, did you? Well you were kind of right. Especially if you live anywhere east of the east coast. Which is a lot of the planet, actually…

Well, hope you at least got Senpai to notice you, or got a sweet blowjob or whatever it is people do for valentine’s day. Some of the timings in this ep are a bit short, since I never know what to do when people cut each other off constantly to gasp about pointless things. Or cut themselves off. I also can’t tell if I should be subbing all the actual gasps, and hmmmms, and ahhhs. They’re already making the same sound I’d type in English and hopefully whoever watches this is capable of understanding that.

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Aggressive Retsuko 92

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This isn’t the on-time subs I was looking for… Download here.

I was wondering if they’d ever bring up her sign from way back in the first episode, and now that long wait has finally paid off. Yup. Such satisfaction.

The surrounding horoscope text was all nonsense that I didn’t feel like attempting to morph into English nonsense, so I just put glowing words next to the glowing words. It might lag the second cut(it does on my player), but oh well. At least I learned how to make things glow.

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Aggressive Retsuko 91

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It’s like girlslaughing.jpg but instead they’re annoyed at your antiquated attempts to get people to interact with you. Png’s a better format anyway. Download here.

I actually had this ready yesterday but forgot to put it up because I’m easily distracted by things. Tried to do the minimal amount of subtitle effects possible this time, but something still went wrong with the post she made(at least on my player), so I left the first half of the song very low effort. The gradual bolding made it kind of funny in a different way anyway.

Some of the lines might still be hard to read, but uh…too bad.

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Aggressive Retsuko 90

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Basically how I feel after most of this effort went to waste. Download here.

So. For anyone wondering, alllll of the phonetext was supposed to be subbed over. I masked everything and slid it around and iclip’d parts out to match the finger movement, all that shit. It was beautiful. Like watching a baby swan crash through a giant glass case filled with ice sculptures of bigger swans. I even fudged a bunch of blurry colors together to pretend it was a gradient and that kanji wasn’t hiding behind it, waiting to ruin everyone’s good time.

Then I muxed it and played it and it killed MPC. Had to cut about 60% of the lines, because APPARENTLY media players aren’t built to handle making 10+ sections of text jitter furiously in real time. The stationary parts are still intact, and it at least displayed the meat of the message being displayed, but the scene in the middle is a wasteland of untranslated text. It’s also got a goofy graphical glitch that the show creators didn’t catch:

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The phone’s screen extends past its edge, on the right.

So yeah, not doing that again ever. If stuff jitters, it’s out the window. Right into the swan sculpture display.

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