Aggressive Retsuko 96


Super special horse edition because apparently living in log cabins with incompetent electricity companies is a month-long disaster every time a blizzard or hurricane happen. The best part about all of this is that I did not watch this episode, this screenshot was just the first thing I saw when I clicked randomly once in the file.

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Aggressive Retsuko 95

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Don’t stare at his eyes for too long, or they’ll stare back. Download here.

Few notes to be made about this episode. One: I have never worked at an office, so I have no idea what the standards for answering phone calls are. I just went with whatever google seemed to think was acceptable phone reception etiquette. Two: do people actually call them outside calls? Or is it external? Google had more results for outside, but that might have been skewed by the physical state of being outside while making a call.

Three: this is a big one I guess, but the name of the company Retsuko works at is “chararyman(+some Japanese company identifying words)”, which is a portmanteau of “character” and “salaryman”. ‘Salaryman’ is the name Japan has for their workforce made up of middle-aged men with no future. Sanrio has some ongoing popularity contest between stupid characters they thought up that fit the role of salarymen, so they just combined the two words and pretended it was okay. Except it’s not. Stop doing that, Japan. *takes sip of grapple juice*

Anyway, since I’ve spat in the face of everything else they tried to name(sans Retsuko herself, because that would probably be too confusing to people trying to watch, and nobody would care about Rageina or whatever fucking girl names that start with R), I’m calling it The Working Company instead. Because company has like five meanings, and working has at least two. And most of them are appropriate. But mostly I just don’t like how “chararyman” sounds.

NUMBER FOUR: fuck the sliding Dougsongs. The dude’s great, but subtitles that move that much kill everything. I tried tracking the motion so it wasn’t out of sync, but that blew up my media player(I think this happened last time I tried, too…), so I changed it to the stupid move function, and that still blew it up but only during the last few seconds and it sort of corrected itself in the end. So that’s what you get.

I guess there’s a five but it’s pointless enough to not be numbered. The blinking phone thing followed a weird pattern, alternating between 8 frames on, 5 off, and 7 on, 5 off. It did that three times, then the hand came in and the numbers for both states changed while it was there. Really weird. Second pickup it only repeated twice, with the hand coming in on the second 7, and then again, the off state was extended several frames for no good reason. Unless picking the phone up is supposed to matter, but then why did it still blink again both times? The second phonescreen was also shifted a bit from the first, but then the third time it was back in the original location. AND THEN DURING THE THIRD CALL IT STARTED ON THE SEVEN AND ALTERNATED WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS DESPITE THE HAND COMING IN, EXCEPT THE LAST OFF STATE LASTED AN EXTRA FEW FRAMES BEFORE TRANSITIONING TO THE SHOT OF HIS FACE. WHAT KINDS OF INCONSIDERATE NEANDERTHALS DO THEY EMPLOY DOWN THERE AT SANRIO FOR THEM TO ALLOW THESE INCONSISTENCIES?!!?!?!???

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Aggressive Retsuko 94

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Never listen to your friends. Especially your vegan friends. Download here.

…I can’t think of anything to write about. Bye.

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Aggressive Retsuko 93

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H-h-here you go Senpai, I g-g-got this for you! *blushes deeply and runs down the hall screaming*

Hah, you didn’t think I would be on time for THIS holiday, did you? Well you were kind of right. Especially if you live anywhere east of the east coast. Which is a lot of the planet, actually…

Well, hope you at least got Senpai to notice you, or got a sweet blowjob or whatever it is people do for valentine’s day. Some of the timings in this ep are a bit short, since I never know what to do when people cut each other off constantly to gasp about pointless things. Or cut themselves off. I also can’t tell if I should be subbing all the actual gasps, and hmmmms, and ahhhs. They’re already making the same sound I’d type in English and hopefully whoever watches this is capable of understanding that.

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Aggressive Retsuko 92

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This isn’t the on-time subs I was looking for… Download here.

I was wondering if they’d ever bring up her sign from way back in the first episode, and now that long wait has finally paid off. Yup. Such satisfaction.

The surrounding horoscope text was all nonsense that I didn’t feel like attempting to morph into English nonsense, so I just put glowing words next to the glowing words. It might lag the second cut(it does on my player), but oh well. At least I learned how to make things glow.

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Aggressive Retsuko 91

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It’s like girlslaughing.jpg but instead they’re annoyed at your antiquated attempts to get people to interact with you. Png’s a better format anyway. Download here.

I actually had this ready yesterday but forgot to put it up because I’m easily distracted by things. Tried to do the minimal amount of subtitle effects possible this time, but something still went wrong with the post she made(at least on my player), so I left the first half of the song very low effort. The gradual bolding made it kind of funny in a different way anyway.

Some of the lines might still be hard to read, but uh…too bad.

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Aggressive Retsuko 90

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Basically how I feel after most of this effort went to waste. Download here.

So. For anyone wondering, alllll of the phonetext was supposed to be subbed over. I masked everything and slid it around and iclip’d parts out to match the finger movement, all that shit. It was beautiful. Like watching a baby swan crash through a giant glass case filled with ice sculptures of bigger swans. I even fudged a bunch of blurry colors together to pretend it was a gradient and that kanji wasn’t hiding behind it, waiting to ruin everyone’s good time.

Then I muxed it and played it and it killed MPC. Had to cut about 60% of the lines, because APPARENTLY media players aren’t built to handle making 10+ sections of text jitter furiously in real time. The stationary parts are still intact, and it at least displayed the meat of the message being displayed, but the scene in the middle is a wasteland of untranslated text. It’s also got a goofy graphical glitch that the show creators didn’t catch:

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The phone’s screen extends past its edge, on the right.

So yeah, not doing that again ever. If stuff jitters, it’s out the window. Right into the swan sculpture display.

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Aggressive Retsuko 88+89

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from a month in the past! Unfortunately all you normal people will only be seeing this post in the future, when it’s too late to warn you about the bees. Download here and here.

Christmas turned out to be extremely exhausting, and then I got sick, and then I decided to replay TiTS SC and finally start the 3rd and then go through Cold Steel and…I mean, I got sick. Forever.

Excuses aside, I’ll hopefully be back to normal with spitting these out. Fashion will never be something I’m knowledgeable about, so these kinds of episodes will always be a mix of my logical deductions about whatever the fuck they’re talking about, and things that come up within the first few results on google. 90 is fairly normal so I don’t think that’ll have any problems outside of putting text on the button things. But if that’s too annoying I’ll give up anyway and do something quicker and low effort. Because I’m a professional.

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Aggressive Retsuko 87

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PDA went out of style years ago. Download here.

Coming up with something that says I’M/WE’RE JEALOUS to use at the end that didn’t sound as stupid as that was hard, and I’m worried people will extrapolate lesbian undertones now. Also, Christmas is next Monday, so I’m not sure if it’ll get in the way of next week’s episode if there is one, but it shouldn’t be too delayed if it is.

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Aggressive Retsuko 85+86

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After ten thousand years hours minutes it’s free! Download here and here.

Apparently ten thousand hours is actually longer than a year, but ten thousand minutes is barely a week. Who knew? And who knew videogames could be such a big distraction? Me. Which is why I also forgot to mention Xenoblade 2 coming out would delay things in the last post. But I’m mostly over that(haha just kidding I still have hundreds of hours of things to do), so 87 should at least be out this weekend…probably.

The Japanese names in 85 were all mainly drama/tokusatsu actors and whatnot, which doesn’t quite have an equivalent in western media. At least to the extent of their apparent popularity in Asia. So, I tried to google for hot actor guys, but google only gave me names of hollywood dudes, so that’s what you get. For anyone interested, the actualpeople they parodied were Hiroshi Tamaki, Jun Matsumoto, and Hiro Mizushima.

I started a new paragraph but forgot what I was going to type. WAIT NOW I REMEMBERED Retsuko’s getting bigger episodes on Netflix! Or Amazon. I don’t remember and don’t care to google or scroll down to reread what that one guy commented. I’m assuming they’ll be subbed in English by whoever’s hosting them, so hopefully I won’t have to bother with that. Although, who knows what theirs’ll be like. I bet they won’t even have the audacity to contract ‘theirs’ and ‘will’ while trying to pass themselves off as knowing what they’re doing.

Also I remembered what I was actually actually going to type: the tracking for the first phonetext in 85 looks really jittery and bad on my video player but I have no idea how to make it look better and I think this happened in an episode before. Something about scaling+movement doesn’t jive well with aegisub, or at least to a degree of smoothness that won’t be upsetting. It’s not an important piece of text anyway. I may have also accidentally tripled the size of that episode with the fonts I used…

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